Category: Game Parlor
here's a silly lil game i heard a while back on the radio, just thought i should bring it here, where one person starts a story then the next person carries it on. so, here goes, no specific rules.
one day, in a quiet part of town, 2 guys were walking down a dark alley way when
They saw a huge spider.
it was so damn huge, it had 56 legs and it was sun bathing. then,
"Hello, I'm a huge spider, and you two guys are walking down a dark alley," the spider said.
"Holy shit", said one of the guys, "you are indeed correct, huge spider."
But what neither the two guys or the spider was aware of, was that...
an enormous elephant was running down the alley towards them. fed up that his party had been trunkated.
the 2 guys quickly picked up the giant spider and jumped onto the back of the passing elephant, then,
they all ran off to a huge foam party in a local night clubb.
they had a great time there, but when it came to leaving time,
the elephant got jailed for squerting foam all over the other party goers after he got pissed on vodca and shots.
the elephant got taken down the local police station and when asked to empty his trunk, the elephant snatched a trunchon off the desk and smashed up a wall clock with it before flinging the truncion through a nearby window.
wow! nice trick! said the cop, now can you go and find it?
the elephant smashed the rest of the window with another trunchon, then went outside and came back juggling both ttrunshions.
walking back into the police station, the elephant flung down the weapons and then tried to strangle himself with his trunk.
"We can't take his trunk off him in a regular search," said one cop to another. in the end, the cops shoved a drainpipe up the elephant's trunk to keep it rigid so the pakidurm could not injor itself or kill itself in the cells.
whyile sitting in the cell, the elephant, known as escapie elephant in his herd, thought of a friend of his, burgler bear, a huge grizzly bear who was a master of getting into and out of the homes of other creatures with amazing speed and finesse. Escapie elephant must have slept a bit for the next thing he heard was a voice saying:
"'ere mate, let's get you out of 'ere." opening his eyes, the elephant saw a familiar ursine form. burgler bear, or burtie as his mum had named him, was inside the cell, the keys dangling from one forepaw.
"Those cops are tied up and fixed," the bear said, "I 'it 'em with one of their sticks. bang bang, finished! Now we gets out of 'ere and you and me goes partying like it's 2099 okay? the bear removed the drainpipe from escapie elephant's trunk, and they left the police station.
all of a sudden, the bear and the elephant saw a goat outside the police station! the goat was not to happy that the elephant had escaped! the goat then
joined them, in a bid for freedom
the goat, caught driving a digger on his former master's farm, had been arrested for driving offences. Leaping after the bear and the elephant, he ran down the road after them, only to be joined by a wild fox, who'd been lounging on a neighbouring patio, the sound lounger being his favourite place. leaping onto the bear's back, the fox held on to the bear's fur with his paws.
ello fred! said the bear, who knew the fox from a previous getaway mission.
good morning," said fred fox, his voice cultured and rather upper class. Fred's mother had thrown him out after he'd stolen meat from his sisters, and never wanted him back. From then on the fox had been running wild. Burtie burgler bear had broken into many houses to find food, then escaped unchallenged. Burtie was an enormous grizzly with big paws, but he had a habit which he didn't tell many about. burtie liked to suck his left forepaw when sleeping. Fred fox knew it, and threatened the bear with disclosure of his habit to everyone if he ratted on him. Fred fox was totally wicked, but Burtie wasn't so deep down horrible, or so the fox thought, hense his warning to the bear. the elephant, bear, goat and fox padded through the streets, Fred fox planning a nightime raid on a supermarket.
lol, don't worry brother fred, said the bear, as he bounced up into the air, to catch a fly, we're all family here in the animal kingdom.
"you might think so," Fred snapped, "you bears with your silly habits of playing with your own hind paws and sucking your paws at night. All this family stuff, yuck!" Burtie, distracted by the mention of his secret habit, landed awkwardly, sending fred fox flying!
"Oooof!" the fox yelled as he hit the pavement and bounced, "you clumsy bloody bear Burtie!"
then, they all decided to have a play fight on the nearby grass, they all piled on top of one another and then,
a wailing sound announced the arrival of a police car. Burtie bear ran away crying, while Escapie Elephant and Fred fox made their escape, the goat forgotten. the police car passed the place where the group, minus burtie were hiding. "let's look for that stupid bear!" Fred fox snapped.
suddenly, there was a large thud, as the bear dropped down out of a rather tall tree.
where did you go?" Frred fox asked, narrowly missing getting crushed by five hundred pounds of fall grizzly.
"Oh, this grizzly bear can climb trees," Burtie said, "i'm quite good at it, most grizzlys aren't."
"how can you climb trees with those big paws of yours?" Escapie elephant asked. Burtie rolled onto his back and wiggled the toes of all four paws, much to fred fox's embarrissment.
lol, this is fun! said the bear, you guys wanna join in?
Escapie elephant wanted to, but didn't know if he would ever get up once he rolled onto his back. Fred fox glowered at birtie bear.
"I want to," Escapie Elephant admitted, "but would I ever get up again? Elephants don't usually lie on their back and wave their feet in the air like you bears. We usually spray each other with water, that's as close as we get." Burtie got to his paws and danced on his toes like an over excited cub.
"Did you know," Fred fox said with acid in his voice, "that this bear, this playful burgler bear, likes sucking his paw when he sleeps?" Burtie stopped dancing, horrified at the fox's tretchory.
big deal! said the elephant, i love stroking my backside with my trunk!
fred fox almost threw up.
"What with this bear," he kicked Burtie, the bear beginning to cry, "sucking his paw, and you elephant scratching your backside with your trunck, we're a right rough lot, I think not!"
randumly, out of nowhere, a large empty plant pot came flying through the air and landed on the fox's head. "ouch!" said the fox.
Burtie ran away with the elephant before fred fox could get the pot off his head. "let's go!" the bear sniffed.
meanwhile, fred had a cunning plan, one which he'd never thought of before, he popped the pot off his head and thought to himself, "hmmm, being a bad guy sucks, always runnin away, i think i'll be, a rubbish disposer!"
so he set off on his way, going in search for any trash cans to clean out.
Fred looked around for bins and found a large industrial one. scrambling up the side, the fox fell into the bin. he couldn't get out no matter how he tried. screaming he banged on the side of the bin, then threw himself around inside it.
eventually, he gathered all his strength and flung himself forward, sending the bin toppling down to the floor. thank you bin! said fred, as he sauntered out and then turned round and emptied it.
Fred found his way to another industrial bin and pulled himself up to the top. falling in once more, he gathered himself for another fight with the bin.
yay! he thought to himself, is it always gonna be this fun?
just then, he saw, out of the corner of his eye, his good friend kirsty the cat, who hopped into the bin beside him. lets play! she said, longing to get her paws on her long lost companion.
kirsty the cat well, that's what they called her, but she was a liger, a lion tiger cross. overturning the bin, she fished fred fox out and both big cat and fox rolled about on the floor in play. meanwhile, back with birtie bear and Escapie elephant,,,
it started raining.
eeewwww! said the bear, who was a bit silly, i'm getting w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'w'wet!
burtie started dancing on his toes as he encountered puddles, hating getting his paws wet.
"Yuck ugh! how horrible! he said every time he put his paws in the water, "ugh! how disgusting! my furs's all wet too! No wonder i took up a life of crime, fishing would be a non starter for me! my paws are all wet, and the water's between my toes too, how horrible!" meanwhile, Escapie elephant was preparing a trunk full of water.
bertie spun round and said, "what are you doing?"
storing fluid for a dry day! said the happy elephant, jump on my back if you don't like the puddles.
burtie clambered onto Escapie elephant's back, and the elephant started to walk. then he arched his trunk over his head and,,,
let out a bloody big yawn, then said, here's something for you to hold on to, waving his honker at the bear.
i'm not holding onto that! burtie complained, it's full of water!
i know, said the elephant, watch this! he spun round, turned his head sideways and sprayed a pigeon, who dropped to the ground with shock. "great aim!" said the bear, "is that supper?" yeah, it's for you, said the elephant.
Burtie slid down the elephant's side and opened up the bird, sniffing at it. it smelt fresh enough so he ate a little, then more, and more until it was all gone.
"What do we do for food for you elephant?" Burtie asked. the elephant grinned and strolled with the bear to a grosery store. sticking his trunk in at the door, he nicked six apples, a bunch of carrots and a bundle of celery.
would you like fries with that? said the bear.
elephant laughed, just as more fruit and veg got thrown at him from the shopkeeper, who ran out and started whacking elephant with a cucumber! Burtie bear snatched the cucumber and hurled it back into the shop. the shop keeper came at Burtie with a brooo!
with a broom I meant.
the bear decided to take no chances, so he shmacked the unsuspecting shop keeper, killing him instantly.
"well done!" said the elephant, "for helping me get my supper." no worries, said the bear, we big bouncy bears are brave brutes.
not eaten shop keeper before, said the elephant
Burtie took his fill of fruit and things, filling two shopping baskets with the goodies. then he made a sling and slung the whole lot across elephant's shoulders.
"let's get out of here! Burtie said, stepping backwards into a huge puddle.
oh, you silly old fool, said the elephant, did you have to do that?
Burtie, screaming because his hind paws were all wet, scrambled up onto elephant's back and fell off the other side, falling in a screaming heap!
so, the elephant sat in the puddle and this made it easier for the now rather tired bear to scramble back up again.
that hurt!" burtie whimpered, his paws skidding on the elephant's skin, "I don't want to be, oh no!" burtie fell off once more and ended up on his back in the puddle!
at this point, the elephant decided to give the bear swimming coaching.
i thought bears were good swimmers!" Elephant said. burtie looked ashamed.
"I was better at playing with my paws or sucking on a forepaw than using them to swim," he replied, "I hate water! I hate getting my feet wet!"
but, i'm willing to give it a try, he said, accidently spraying water all over the elephant.
the elephant led Burtie bear to an outdoor public pool, where the friends leapt in, and the human swimmers leapt as quickly out! screaming, the human swimmers ran for the hills!
odd behaviour for humans! said the bear,
sorry, said the elephant, i think, i may have scared them.
the elephant looked strangely at the bear.
"What do you mean strange behaviour for humans?" he asked, is there something you're not telling me?" Burtie looked sheepish.#
"I, um, well, this bear, he's not so much of a burgler, more a family pet. I got, well, adopted. sort of. and here I often swim with humans. ah, um, sorry elephant, but i'm not the burgler bear of the stories. not really." the elephant sucked water up his trunk and sprayed burtie bear in the face with as much force as he could muster.
yay! water fight! said the bear, who stuck his head in, sucked up a huge mouth full, then sprayed the elephant's left ear.
the elephant shook water from his ear, angry that this bear was not the stuff of miths he'd been led to believe.
"No bear, i don't want a water fight!" Elephant screamed. Burtie bear ran from the water as the elephant went mad! running damply away, the bear smashed dowan the door of a nearby house, ran in, and curled up by a raging log fire, sticking his left forepaw into his mouth and shaking with fright.
hmmm, thought the elephant, can't a big bumbling bear take a joke?
burtie lay shaking inside the house, his fur steaming from the water. sucking on his paw, he thought of the elephant, the pakiderm that he'd rescued. Was he serious about the anger he displayed? burtie bear got to his paws and left the warmth of the room. His paws warm, and fur now drying nicely, he didn't want to leave this place. padding up the stairs, he found his way to a bedroom and dragged blankets off a bed. wrapping himself up in them, he fell asleep in the house.
suddenly, there was a loud explosion.
oh dear, thought the bear as he was blown out of the house, the chimney's busted, and now, now i'm flying towards, the pool!"
holy shit! said the elephant, as he saw the bear flying down toward him, you can fuckin fly! yeah, said the bear, something shot me into the air, is my fur dirty?
it's not now you've had a wash," the elephant said. burtie struggled from the water, watching as the house he'd been sleeping in burnt furiously.
hmmm, fire, said the elephant, i'm cold, lets go and warm up.
screw that! burtie said, i'm staying here! that smoke smells suspect. suddenly there was an enormous explosion!
holy crap, said the bear, is the world on fire? i'm going back in the water! ahahahaha, no, said the elephant, it was just me breaking wind.
burtie knew this smell though, and pakiderm gasses didn't smell like that, and as hot ashes began to rain down on them, he leapt into the water!
he suddenly realised that the elephant wasn't moving, so was not quite sure what to do for him.
oh dear, has the elephant died? Burtie thought, getting from the water and slapping the pakiderm on his backside!
why are you slapping my ass? asked the elephant curiously? i thought you were deadded! said the bear. oh, said the elephant, i'm not deadded, just admiring your gorgious figure!
oh my god! the bear screamed, a homosexual elephant!
"yes," Escapie elephant said, "but i'm into bears. Burtie turned and ran. he wasn't intrested in the least!
hmmm, said the elephant, that little trick seems to work every time!
the truth was, the elephant was an anti social shit, who hated company. meanwhile burtie bear, completely opposite to the elephant padded away from the pool, wanting to find ursine company. rounding the corner, he found fred fox and kersty cat playing together.
"The elephant's left the party," the bear said, "and i'm going to find some ursine company."
the bear padded away to a local zoo where he knew there was a sow grizzly bear who wanted out. breaking in, burtie bear found his way to the grizzly's enclosure and unlocked the door.
the 2 bears scuttled carefully out and into a large clearing where they randumly found
a lonely bear cub sitting under a tree, crying into his paws.
hmmm, said bertie bear, that doesn't look like a real cub, it may be a trap!
not a real cub? the female bear asked, "of course he is, he's mine, escaped from the cage when the door was opened a few days ago. what's up littl'en? the bear crawled over to his mum and she lay down, the cub clinging to her and sobbing.
oh yeh! said bertie, blushing at his ignorance.
what's wrong littl'en?" mama bear asked. the cub, sobbing and wiping his eyes with tiny paws, gulped hard.
"I got chased by a raging elephant!" the bear cub sniffed, "he chased me, and i ran and ran, and threw a stick into his trunk before running back here. My paws were exhausted, so i collapsed here and you came, and now we have a violent elephant on the scene, and i'm scared!
lol, said the mother bear, he's not violent, just homosexual.
but, but he wanted to know where the burtie bear was, and i didn't know where he was, and the elephant chased me, and now he's here! "I suppose burtie bear is you?" the mama bear asked. Burtie nodded:
"that elephant was rescued by me from the police station after he was jailed for drunk and disorderly, but i want nothing more to do with him. i want to protect you and this little cub now." mama bear let her cub clamber onto her back and the bears left the zoo unmolested.
suddenly, for no reason what so ever, a small furry thing came bouncing toward the group, they couldn't work out what it was.
is that thing another one of your cubs?" burtie bear asked. mama bear, named Gertrude, giggled happily and picked the thing up in her paws.
"Ah harry hedge hog! the mama bear said, kissing the hog's nose, "how are you?"
randumness! said bertie.
yes, well, we have good relations with the local wildlife here. my cub, who's name is George by the way, has friends who are badgers and foxes too. indeed, fred fox, the head fox here is a family friend.
oh, frollocking frisbies, said bertie, he's gone missing, hasn't he!
fred fox was last seen playing with a liger. gurtrude said. Waht's a liger mama?" George grizly asked.
"When a mama tiger and a daddy lion get together, they make cubs called ligers." "You mean they have sex and make babies?" her cub asked. burtie laughed helplessly.
strange, commented bertie, i saw fred having fun with kirsty the cat just 15 minutes ago.
maybe they've gone to make babies? George Grizzly said. his mum shushed him quickly.
"No no no George, they haven't!" she hissed much embarrissed. burtie laughed helplessly at the cub's words. "we need to find them!" he said, "the more strength we have, we can fight off that elephant. I don't want to be near him any more!"
your youngster is a quick learner! said bertie.
cubs are quick learners, they have to learn things like how to catch fish and things. my cub might have been sobbing under a tree, but he's pretty quick at picking things up.
i see, said bertie, lets find fred and co
they found fred and kirsty curled up together in a nearby park. liger and fox seemed very content, for both were asleep.
awww, said bertie, how cuuute, lets also sleep here, won't they be surprised to see us when they wake!
burtie collapsed beside kursty, Gertrude and her cub lying down so the cub was between Burtie and his mother. touching him with their paws, the two adult bears settled to slee.
"Now straight to sleep," gertrude said to her cub.
the cub, obeyed, exhausted from all the events of the day, but not before having a good sniff of his surroundings.
George grizzly found fred fox to be a scrawny creature, Kursty the liger to be completely opposite, indeed, she was running to fat. burtie had big paws and was generally massive, though very gentle. this second assertion was assumed by the cub, for surely his mother would not have teamed up with a violent male. burtie's fur was browny black, his paws enormous with wrinkled black pads and huge toes, ending in long claws. George Grizzly looked down at his own paws, which were much smaller. "I hope my paws get as big as my mum's friend's are now when I'm older," the cub thought, settling down in the gap between his mum and Burtie. sucking on the digets of his right forepaw, George Grizzly fell asleep.
meanwhile, somewhere far out in space, a large blue space craft floated along between stars, scanning for life forms.
George grizzly's dream took him far away from his erthly life, for he often wondered what was beyond the stars he could see when awake at night. he imagined himself in a spacecraft, operating the controls with his paws, passing close by stars, his tiny forepaws on the altitude control stick, his hind on pedals controlling the lateral movement of the craft. George grizzly wondered if there were other life forms on the stars he passed. he watched what he thought was the earth coming into view. turning his craft towards home, george woke in the early morning, a soft nose nuzzling his ear.
"ay? hmmm? what? George yawned. Gertrude looked down at her cub.
"you were sucking your paw again," she said gently. burtie laughed softly to himself.
"Another paw sucker?" he aksed, "i'm one too."
oi mom, said george, why's he calling me a sucker?
Gertrude laughed helplessly. "no no no George cub dear!" she said when she'd recovered, "burtie means he sucks his paw, you swim, so you're a swimmer, he sucks his paw, so he's a sucker, and you suck your paw too." the cub grinned. "i love you mum," he said. Gertrude smiled broadly.
george smiled at bertie, hi sucker! he said, jovially.
"hi sucker yourself," Birtie said, rolling george over onto his back and tickling the pads of all four paws in turn.
back in space, the creature on the ship had spotted a large planet to investigate. it lowered it's petite fraim into the chair and prepared for landing.
George grizzly squealed as something fell through the air. a large green something hit the ground , bouncing about a bit and finally bursting open and revealing a large black bearlike creature. Dan these nasa experiments!" the baerr complained. burtie stared at him. "where did you come from?" he asked. the black bear, who was just out of cubhood, stretched his paws.
"nasa experiments," the bear said, "I was trained as an astronaught. yes, they're even training bears now." the black bear looked exhausted.
yikes, you smelly thing, both bertie and george exclaimed, you need a wash!
"I'm sorry!" the black bear whimpered, "I have been up in that craft for days! I'm not a dirty bear usually!" Gertrude, not afraid of getting her paws dirty, took the black bear to a lake and threw him in. leaping in too, she scrubbed him from nose to tail, washing ears, face, body and paws with ruthless intent. Then she dragged the shocked bear from the water and led him back to the little group, where Kursty and Fred were taking an intrest in the bears.
"my paws are tingling now mama!" the black bear yelled. "so they should be," gertrude replied, "I cleaned them thoroughly." "and who are the two cubs?" Fred asked. "this is my cub George," Gertrude replied, "and this black bear, who fell to earth earlier today, well, he hasn't got a name, any ideas?"
hmmm, my name, said the bear is billy.
george grabbed billy's forepaws in his and hauled him onto his hind paws, then, to the amusement of the other bears, the two cubs began dancing about on their hind paws. Then billy, very unsteady on his hind feet, got them tangled up and fell over, dragging george down with him, the two cubs landing in a laughing heap on the grass.
hmmm, wondered fred, what was that for?
"why did we dance on our hind paws?" billy asked, "well, because it felt good! we're playful creatures us bears are." Fred looked doubtful, then noticed Kirsty rolling around on the grass, playing with a ball between her fore and hind paws.
lol, said kirsty, it's better to play with an object, than to play with yourself.
hehehe you cats have no imagination!" the bear cubs yelled, "we can chase and play with each other for entertainment, you cats have to use objects like balls and things!"
kirsty went off to sulk.
what a miserable moggie! Gertrude complained. "she's, just, so, so miserable! ah well, cats will be the way they are."
nah, said fred, she'll come back soon, she likes attention.
exactly" gertrude said, "she likes attention! it's all attention seeking rubbish! mew, mew mew, i'm so hard done by! what hogwash!"
bertie started to giggle uncontrolably, hmmm, a miaoing bear! whatever next?
"i'm quite talented," Gertrude said, immitating the calls of other animals, from fox, which had fred looking about him in case there was a willing vixen about, to a lion and tiger. suddenly Kursty ran back to them.
"Did I hear another tiger here?" she asked.
hmmm, said fred, i sence an identity crisis is upon us.
Gertrude rolled onto her back and thrashed about with all four paws, laughing helplessly! "no no no!" she said, "i'm a bearr! George grizzly leapt onto his mother's belly and she grabbed him and tossed him into the air, catching him in her big soft paws. Billy bear looked sadly at the mama bear playing with her cub. "I wish I could have some of that," he thought.
come and join in then silly billy, she said.
"how did you know i wanted to join in?" billy asked, astonished.
"My mind told me a black bear needed a hug," Gertrude said, tumbling George grizzly off her chest and grabbing Billy in her paws, hugging him tenderly.
miao! said billy, randumly.
"you're a bear, not a tiger!" Gertrude said, kissing billy's nose and then rolling him onto his bakc to stroek all four paws. smiling, she kissed the pads of his right forepaw, Billy's eyes filling with tears.
hmmm, said fred, lets see about getting something to eat, shall we?
i want salmon! George grizzly said. Gertrude looked at him.
"And exactly where do you think we're going to get salmon?" she asked, "the salmon run isn't for a few months yet."
"how handy are you with a tin opener?" Fred asked, "I can find tins and tins of salmon for you if you can only work a can opener with your paws." Gertrude looked down at her paws.
"I suppose I could," she said.
fred trotted off, leaving the others. he entered a grosry store, heading for the salmon and a tin opener. on his fleating way through the store, with humans screaming all over the place, Fred found a chiller with flat packed salmon. grabbing as many as he could in his mouth, he turned and ran from the store!
hmmm, that was fun! he thought to himself, also, managed it without being chaced!
just then, he heard a wierd noise. spinning around, he saw an unusual creature, half duck, half bumble bee. he wondered what to do
"what do I do with this thing?" Fred asked, dropping the salmon and pointing at the mutation with his nose.
"Squash one half and eath the other," Gertrude suggested.
nah, said george, it looks friendly!
george grizzly approached the thing, and it flew up and bit him, before spinning round and stinging him! ow! ow, ow ow! the cub screamed.
randum, said the bumble duck, i thought i was being affectionate!
you call that affectionate? Gertrude yelled, comforting her cub by hugging him, "you're sadly mistaken, now you're for it! ever seen what an angry mama grizzly bear can do?
yeah, said the bumble duck, i was one once.
you were a bear once?" Gertrude replied, "how did you become, um, so unusual?"
experimenting with substances stolen from a lab.
oh no!" Gertrude exclaimed. "that sounds like what my mate used to do, he'd get into the vet's store and take everything he could get his paws on, Pills, potions, he once even gave himself an injection of some nameless stuff to see what happened. he died soon after that."
that's randum, that doesn't often happen, sorry about my abrupt arival btw, said the bumble duck, i am ben, the erm, shape shifter, but for today, i am a bumble duck, any ideas what i should be tomorrow?
"you scare me, so i think you should be a bear tomorrow, something small, a sun bear perhapes?" George grizzly said.
tell yah what, said ben, i'll comprimise wit you, i'll be a flying bear.
"and exactly how are you going to become a flying bear?" George Grizzly asked.
oh, i have my ways, said ben, swallowing a small object.
taking drugs is wrong! Gertrude screamed, "you related to my mate or something?
no, said ben, i have a head ache.
so are you going to remain a bumble watsit for one more day then? George Grizzly asked.
for the next 15 hours, yes.
then what you gonna turn into? George grizzly asked, the toes of all four paws curling into the ground as his fear increased.
a flying bear, said ben, like we agreed.
George worked each paw free of the ground and looked down at his paws. "how will you fly? he asked.
by keeping my wings from my current form. said ben. now then, is that salmon i see in front of us? lets feed!
George grizzly ripped open the packs of salmon, and the duck, plus himself and everyone else fed hungrily.
hmmm, said ben, thinking to himself, fishy!
of course it would be fishy! Gertrude said, astonished at the bumble duck, bear watsit's thoughts.
lol, i love fish'sh'sh'sh'sh'sh'sh'sh'sh! said ben.
so do i, gertrude said, but have you ever met a grizzly, I mean a true grizzly who hated fish?
no, said ben, thinking, i don't believe i have.
suddenly george grizzly, having eaten his salmon, threw it upp.
into the air, than caught it again.
disgusting behaviour! gertrude screamed.
sorry, couldn't help it, said george, something scared me, he said looking upwards.
a large eagle fell dead to the floor, obviously knocked out cold by something.
hmmm, said everyone else, not quite knowing what to do next.
maybe I'll eat the eagle? George grizzly thought, as the salmon wasn't too good.
suddenly, they noticed green gunk squirting out of it.
oooyw George grizzly screamed, it's off! yw yw yw! he promptly vomited up the rest of his salmon.
fred, taking no chances, promptly threw the green gunky mess into the river.
oi, you poluting thing!" an otter sscreamed from the opposite bank, "you dirtied our river you horrid vermin! now go in and fish that out!
nah thanks, replyed fred, i'll get my fur dirty.
the bears shoved fred into the water. "you disgrace us!" Gertrude screamed, "you will fish that thing out if I have to ram it down your throat you inconsiderate vermin!"
fred wnent in, reluctantly, then ate the thing. happy now? he said?
"you disgust me!" gertrude yelled. "me too!" Kersty screamed, having been woken by the complaints of the otters. "bet you're gonna throw it up! Bet you're gonna throw it up!" George grizzly chanted.
well, you guys wanted rid of it, said fred, as it shot out of the other end.
oh no!" Kirsty screamed, as it covered her, "my fur! all covered in,,," "yes we know!" Gertrude snapped, eager for George not to hear bad language. "kitty covered in shit?" George grizzly said.
well, they do say, thought george to himself, one happy fox makes 1 wet pussy.
Gertrude saw George's smile, and wondered what he was thinking. Flipping him onto his back, she began tickling his paws until he told her.
lol, she said, you do have a point dear boy.
panting and giggling from having his paws thoroughly tickled, George got to tingling paws.
then, ben, re appeared, looking slightly flushed and slightly smaller than last time.
what happened to you? george asked.
oh, i just went off to think, said ben, see, the thing with us shape shifters, is when we eat, we tend to shrink a lil bit, due to power and stuff.
so you're going to be a bear again?" George asked. Ben grinned and in a flash, was indeed changed into a huge male grizzly bear.
now then, said ben, watch this, with that, he suddenly vanished, then reappeared as a third ear in the centre of georg's head.
i don't like this!" George screamed. hearing mama giving birth to her second cub was easier than this!" Ben, intrested, transformed back into a grizzly bear. "what happened to your second cub mama?" he asked. Gertrude looked grim.
he misteriously vanished, just like you just did.
"What, so you were pushing to deliver the cub and it vanished?" ben asked. gertrude looked very upset, then rounded on the grizzly bear, smacking him with her paw. "my cub died, okay?" she growled.
"Okay, keep your fur on!" Ben yelled.
but, she said, thoughtfully, after that happened, it just, disappeared! no idea how it happened though.
how what happened, the birth?" Ben asked. gertrude began to growl:
"of course I knew how that happened you bleedin imbasil! I pushed for hours to deliver my second cub! though he wasn't a kicker like George here. George kalmost kicked his way out. I wish my second cub had. I remember bearing down hard, so very hard toes all curled and teeth clenched with effort, when the cub just vanished, I felt a body, then nothing." George looked at his mama.
"I think I know where the cub's gone," he said, "there's this place where all dead cubs go, a place where they wait for us living to join them." Gertrude, now intrested, as the birth of her second cub had distressed her, listened intently:
"Tell on," she said, hanging on her eldest cub's every word.
then, she decided to trouble the cub no longer, so used her powers to read his mind, which transformed her into a huge, warm, friendly place, full of furry fluffy creatures, which bounced up and down on there hind legs whilst waving pretty objects with there front legs.
looks nice place," Gertrude thought, "well, is my dead cub here?" she looked around the faced of the cubs and adult animals who looked out for their living family members. then she saw him, a tiny grizzly bear cub, holding a white flag in his right forepaw and waving it frantically. "Why are you waving that flag?" Gertrude asked. "because i surrender, i'm finished with all the squeazing pain. It won't go away!" the cub whimpered. Gertrude took the flag from hugged the cub's tiny paw and hugged him. "I don't blame you for your difficult birth," she said. the cub relaxing finally.
that's nice, she thought to herself, a mutual agreement! with that, she blinked and was back with the group.
i'm at peace now," Gertrude said to George. "you met tge cybthe cub with the white flag?" he asked. Gertrude nodded, the memory making her tearful. "he said he was still in pain from his birth. I told him not to worry about that and took his flag from him. he, he relaxed into my paws. he's not here with us, but i feel at peace now with the whole birth of my cubs. George grizzly remembered the first time he'd set paw outside the den, the ground had been cold to his sensitive paw pads, and he'd hated it. "if only my brother cub could have felt the ground beneath his paws though," he thought sadly.
indeed, she agreed, if only.
just then, fred sat on a prickle.
ow!" the fox screamed, "I got a thorn up my ass!" Kirsty, washing herself in the river, giggled conspiritorially. "what did you do?" Fred asked.
nothing, said kirsty, come here and i'll get rid of the lil bugger for ya.
Fred shuffled over to the white tigress, and she found the thorn, digging it out with her long claws. fred screamed as she dug in her claws. "ow, bitch!" he yelled.
i know i am, but very useful, she replyed, kissing his moist nose.
you are useful and gentle for the most part too," Fred admitted, as Kirsty patted then slapped his backside. "would you massage my paws dear kitty?" George asked. Kirsty flipped the bear cub onto his back and tickled each one of his paws before stroking them.
hmmm, erotic paw play, thought the mother bear, quite randomly, then giggled to herself.
mama!" George exclaimed, catching her thoughts, "Kirsty and I were playing inocently enough! paw play is just that! we like it, and we were playing as cubs, not as lovers! remember I can read your thoughts. bet you played with your own paws during my birth didn't you?"
yeah, she said, but mummy bears do do that, ya know. she swivveled round in circles a few times, then found a large bug, ate it, then lay down for a rest. hmmm, she thought, mind probing sure takes it out of you!
iI'll bet your mama still plays with her paws," Kirsty whispered to George. "I know she does," george replied, "when she thinks we're not looking, watch out of the corner of your eye, see? she's holding her right hind foot in her forepaws even now when she's tired. another thing, watch what happens when she goes to sleep finally." the two friends watched, and Gertrude played with the toes of her right hind foot a while, then, tired of that, put the toes of her right forepaw in her mouth and fell asleep.
"Your mama sucks her paw at night?" Kursty said, "how cute is that?"
yeah, smiled george to himself, cuuuute.
ok, said fred, standing up, happy after a nice but licking session, i think, i am gonna go for a nice swim. i quite fancy one.
swim away vermin," Kirsty thought, leave us clean creatures to it. she hugged George Grizzly tightly, then began to play with the toes of his right hind foot, the bear cub giggling with pleasure. "I like that," he said, "that feels wonderful!
kirsty suddenly thought to herself, hmmm, why did i call him that? i was only doing him an hour ago.
George giggled as he caught the tigress's thoughts. maybe she prefers simple play, like what she has with me?" he thought, "no ties, just simple enjoyment of pleasure givin by the paws of one to the paws of another? George pressed the toes of his right hind foot into Kursty's paws, loving the sensation of her pads against his. "no wonder mama played with her paws during my birth if it feels like this!" he thought dreamily.
meanwhile, fred was thinking to himself about his next meal, just then, a large, fat, ugly looking seagull flew over and dropped 2 fish on the ground directly in front of him.
cheers! said fred, surprised at his luck, no worries, said the seagull, who was called simon.
hey! fish! gertrude yelled, pouncing on the fish and eating one before Fred could get his paws on it. "bitch!" Fred yelled, slapping Gertrude around her head.
oi! she yealped, what did you do dat for? i did leave you the other one!
simon left me both fish, for me you horrid furry, smelly bitch-cow!" Fred screamed. "who the hell's simon?" Gertrude asked.
o i didn't, said simon, who was hiding behind a tree. i left 'em in fact, by accident, but as it happens, there should be no prob with you guys sharing them.
i thought you left them for me alone!" Fred fox whimpered, biginning to cry. "hey, I want fish!" George grizzly yelled, ripping the fish in half and sharing it with Kirsty tigress. Fred squealed as he saw all the fish disappearing down others throats.
it's fine! said simon, i've nothing better to do, i'll go find more.
dam!" Gertrude snarled, "that fox isn't going to learn the rule of finders keepers is he if this seagul goes and gets more fish for him!
but simon was gone, but, he couldn't decide whether to come back or not. in the end, he decided he would, but this time, he found 20 fishes and bought them all back, accept 1, which he ate.
the gull dropped the fish, one by one, into the mouths of kirsty, gertrude and george. two defending the one getting fed at all times, so fred couldn't get a fish in edgeways.
when he'd dropped 15 of them, he made a signal to fred, then flew away, fred followed him, they ended up in the place where simon had found all the fishes. there, they stopped, simon gave fred the remaining 5 fishes, then told fred to grab more for the others, as he needed to go dump a load somewhere, which turned out to be the roof of a lorry.
fred ate the fish, then, trotting back to the group, was run over by the lorry which the seagul had just shat on.
fortunately, it only caught the very end of his tail. balls! said fred. oh well, it'll mend. then he remembered that he was meant to bring back more fish, which he did. by now, all the others were tired from the food fest and were out sparko by the time fred returned.
fred sat down and ate the fish, ending up so fat all he could do was lie on his back with his paws in the air and sleep, farting outragiously
george was woken up by fred's fearsome farting and thought to himself, hmmm, it's not raining and i see no flashes of light, i wonder what kind of wierd storm this is!
George then realised what it was and woke the fox up by kicking him in the ribs! "Oi you disgusting animal!" he yelled, "get up and go somewhere else!" Fred woke up, looked bleerily at the grizzly bear cub, then shuffled a little way off. settling down, Fred tried to sleep, but his own flatulance kept him awake.
"I'll never touch fish again, I promise," he thought miserably.
But the bear had other plans, and so did his girlfriend.
a few days later, freddy fox was wondering along, when he came across his crazy friend, samantha the seductive skateboard! she wondered if fred needed any assistance.
want a ride? smantha asked. "i'm not that kind of fox!" Freddy protested. "I don't get jiggy with skateboards!"
very good, sir. she said, and then explained that she was at a bit of a loose end and needed something to do.
well carry me to gertrude's cave and let me steal her fish," Fred said.
nah, she replyed, i'll show ya where you can find some more all for yo self! then with that, they slid away down to brighton piar.
Fred found a long stick of something sweet and sticky. "What do i do with this?" he asked.
hmmm, samantha thought, maybe dangle it in da water and see if dem fishes bight it, then, if they do, grab 'em.
fred dangled his stick in the water and a fish bit hard. ow! he roared. George grizzly who'd hitched a ride on a bird, fell about laughing. "the skateboard didn't mean you to dangle that stick in the water you silly fox! he squealed.
i wasn't saying ow about that, laughed fred, i was saying ow, because george, you just landed upon my head!
hmm, my bird can't land that well," George thought, before knocking the bird out and eating it.
ah well, these tings happen, thought fred, then invited george to joining him in fishing.
George fished quickly, as grizzly bears are known to do, flicking fish up so fast Fred fox was buried a foot deep within five minutes.
crikey! mused fred, we 3 makes us a fine team! sitting by dis stream.
some stream," george thought, it's vast and salty, it's the sea you silly fox!
well, said fred, i was only trying to rhyme, it's no crime, right?
George put his head in his paws and wailed with pain. Shut up! he whyned, before pushing fred in the sea.
cool! time to swim! grinned fred, as he used samantha as a raft, kicking his hind legs. hmmm, he thought, where shall we go now then?
George plunged into the sea and tickled fred's toes, making him kick faster. soon they ended up in majorca on a sunny beach.
cool! thought fred, then turned to the by now soaking wet, rather tired and confused george and asked him, know any german?
this is spain you prat! the skateboard screamed. it's spanish! George dug a hole and hid in it.
lol, but but but, whimpered fred, rather embarrased, i thought they spoke german in spain! since the sheep took over
no no no! George replied, his voice muffled, "that's in wales, the sheep took over there, and in austrailia too.
aw, fair point, said fred, but, before we continue this conversation george, please explain why you've gone down that hole?
i wanted to dig in the sand to feel the sand between my toes and on my pads, and to have some fun! i'm a cub at heart after all, and sand is such a great plaything!
too true, agreed fred, who started at once to dig himself a nice big hole. meanwhile, samantha decided to leave them 2 to it and go exploiring.
trouble was, the skateboard could not get very far in the sand, indeed it got as far as george's hole and fell in nose first. vivivivivivivivivv'v'v'v'v'v' viv'v'v'v'v'v'v'v'v' spun the wheels until Fred kicked the skateboard to the next beach.
thank ya fred! samantha said, as she shot upwards on the firm sand, towards the land.
George buried fred in the sand of their beach.
Samantha rolled, wheels whirring, until she got to a smooth, clear-looking pebble. And, though she could have spun around it, she decided to investigate..
the pebble was just that, a pebble. so she wizzed off to get some more of that rock which fred had been dangling in the sea.
Then she got tired of roling along and realized she could walk, and even bleat. In fact, she had transformed into a baby goat, that is, she was a real kid now!
"Yaaay!" she exclaimed, though it sounded more like,
"maaaaa!"
She ran to the ocean and skampered about in the water rejoicing in her new form.
"What the heck?"
A confused Fred asked.
"What have you done with my skateboard?"
George caught the goat and rode it across the beach, Fred barking and chasing his tail until he wore a hole all the way to austrailia.
Completely spent, he flopped down, sweating and panting under a eucalyptus tree.
"Boy," he said between breaths.
"What a work ow..."
a small wriggling firry thing landed right on his belly knocking out the little wind he had left in him.
"Sorry!"
Exclaimed the little
Koala, who'd lost his footing after seeing a fox flying through the air and hitting the ground.
"Wow, so that's a flying fox," the koala thought as he fell through the air and landed on the fox.
"Get off me!"
Weazed Fred, squirming under the bears weight.
meanwhile, sammy, who had descovered her wierd magical powers of shapeshifting, turned herself into a large truck. she enjoyed being an object with wheels, as it meant she could get places quicker.
George, who was riding her was now surprised that he was driving down highway 40 in a big oal pickup truck. Or was he getting his kicks on Route 66? Either way Sam roled him right into the middle of a circus, where that nutty elephant friend of theirs was being fed peanuts.
"Hey!"
Honked Sam.
"Isn't that, what's the damn pakiderm's name again?"
fred and the koala bear tickled each other's paws in play for a bit, then fred carried the koala bear to a large town where there was an arched bridge over a huge harbour.
Upon seeing the water and docking boats, the koala dashed from Fred's side.
"look!"
He declaired, pointing to the rushing waves.
"Lets go swimming!"
"No little bear, don't!"
Fred cried, but it was too late. The koala jumped off the bridge head first into the strong tides. Fred watched in horror as the small bear went under several times. It was clear he had underestimated the power of the water and was now struggling. Fred's fear made him hesitate for only a moment, but then he thought about the bear's family, and holding his breath, jumped.
They were tossed from sea to shining sea until they were swallowed by a wale, where Jona pinicchio and jopetto were eating, of all things, fish.
"I thought you got out of here, Jona?"
"Gimmie a break kid. I got thrown overboard on the way back. Should be outa here in 2 more days and leave the rest a you losers rotting to death in this wales stinking insides."
"Do you like him wooden head?" Jopetto asked pinicchio. The puppet looked up and said,
"Yes, I love him!"
His nose turned into a tree where there was the wale's blowhole. out on top. All got out accept for Jona and they rode the wale to shore where they had sweet milk and sour grapes.
jonah got shat out in hawaiii where he rode a wave to the arctic, meeting a polar bear that had come from austrailia after his snazy gps had turned itself upside down.
Jona, wearing only a lawing cloth hugged himself teeth chattering and generally freezing his nipples right off.
"Puh puh please beast, can I borrow your fuh fuh fir?"
"Sure thing mate."
The bear, whose name was blinky, throw his huge coat at Jona, knocking him down.
"Mail it to the northpoll when you're done with it."
Dressed in the bearskin, jona came to realize he was now standing on a moving iceberg. When it got to Naughtingham, or however you spell it, he stole from the rich and gave to the poor and lived happily everafter he swallowed a fly.
then he died, and the bear came back for his coat, cursing his luck, as he was now homeless due to the global warming and needed his fur coat again.
So blinky had a brilliant idea. He found a long twig, styrafome coffee cup and dark glasses. He highjacked the next plane to New York City. When he got there, decked out in his cool shades, twig in one hand and empty cup in the other, he stood on the platform, waiting for the 2 train to stop.
"This is a Brooklyn Bound 2 train."
The automated voice said once the doors opened.
"The next stop is, 59th street. Stand clear of the closing doors please."
When they closed, Blinky began,
"Please mam, sir? Help a big broke blind bear. My compass don't work and the wintery fairy land I use to call a home melted because the globe turned up the heat too high when she warmed herself."
"aaah! a polar bear!" the public screamed, throwing blinkey into the new york zoo.
As he went in search for food, he heard the udder animals whispering about a show lion who ran away to Madagascar. He wasn't sure who or where that was. All he could think about is how gosh darn hot it was until he could stand it no longer and took off his coat once again and amid screams shouts and flying rotten food, found himself a nice cold cooler. He Smashed all the glass bottles of snapple before settling himself down into it and falling asleep.
"See ya in the spring."
He mumbled before drifting off.
the keepers found the bear in the freezer, hauling him out and dressing him in a black coat.
now this isn't fair!" the bear roared, "I'm not a circus bear! the keepers put a hat with bells on it on the bear's head and pushed him into a cage.
"the jester bear!" one yelled mockingly. Blinky swore madly at the humans until they shot a dart into his backside to shut him up. Hmm, the bear thought, i'm flying off to venus.
The next thing he heard was someone saying, "Is he, dead?"
Then a sharp something was pulled out of his butt. He reared up and snarled.
"Well, there's your answer."
Blinky looked around at his imprisonment and the stupid humans gawking at him. He grabbed one of them by the chollar and roughly shook the terrified man against the cage.
"Listen to me you poor excuse for a bear, let me the hell out of here, or I sware to God one way or another you're coming in here with me!"
"Help!" the man shouted, but as they were all out of tranquilizers the rest made no attempt to help him.
"Um,"
A short fat guy said.
"Maybe we should give the bear a break until we can calm him down. He might be one of the new ones who needs to be broken in."
Blinky's outraged roaring was still heard atop the guy still being slammed against the bars.
"Good idea, but how are we,"
blinky was free, and headed straight for them with the captured guys legs hanging out his mouth.
blinky spat the man from new york to alaska, where he hit a massive elastic band and launched to the moon, taking out satern, uranous, and pluto on the way, before bouncing off the sun, siz'z'z'z'z'z'z'le, then landing in the bay of rainbows.
and while that guy was tasting the rainbow, Fred and Ed, the Koala, decided they were going to go to Egypt. When they got there they found a pyramid and broke into it.
"fuck you!"
Came an angry voice from everywhere. The friends screamed.
"wuh what was that."
Ed asked petrafied.
"Its my curse."
responded the tomb. Fred stared at it in disbelief.
"A talking tomb?" he thought.
"No friggin weh..."
"Unless you two have lived under a rock for the past couple of thousand years, you've heard of king tut's cursed tomb. Now put your eyes back in their sockets and get the hell out of here."
Fred screamed as henry carter's fanclub screamed out of the pyramid on super charged camels. vruoooormrmrmrmrmrm vrurmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmr? burrhrhrhrhrhp, they said, and that was just the members of the fanclub!
then, quite randomly, out of nowhere, appeared a pink sheep!
As if this weren't already weird enough, the sheep started meowing like a cat.
"Meow!" the sheep cried loudly, kicking a small piece of dusty paper it had been standing on. It coasted across the floor, and stopped right in front of
a big blue garbage truck.
A man who had been sitting in the truck quickly jumped out to fetch the piece of paper. He picked it up, dusted it off, and read it aloud. It said:
"I have come to deliver a very important message. Please read the entire message before making any assumptions, as any misleading assumptions may cost you your life, and the lives of many other people."
As the man from the garbage truck continued reading, he became increasingly disturbed. The last sentence nearly made him scream. It said:
i've just eaten your shoe!
The man jumped up in horror. How could a piece of paper eat his shoe? As he got out of the truck, he realized the pink sheep was watching him from behind the truck. On closer inspection, the man realized the sheep had the toe of his shoe sticking out of its mouth, and for the time, was unable to meow like a cat. Upon discovering this, the man rushed over to the sheep, picked it up, and threw it in the back of the truck with the rest of the garbage.
this was the first of the many mistakes he made that day, for as he then jumped back into the cab of his truck, the entire truck started to turn into a giant sheep, but with wheels instead of legs!
As he attempted to drive away, sounds of horrible meows and banging reverberated loudly off the walls. Subsequently, large and smelly bags of old garbage began flying into the cab and hitting him in the face as he drove. In his fear and shock, he suddenly lost control of the truck, which started rolling down a steep hill toward a cliffe. As he was preparing for his unexpected death, something very strange happened.
sammy the seagull came flolloping down, grabbed hold of the sheeptruck and flew up into the air!
As soon as the sheep disappeared from sight, the truck returned to its normal form, and the man was able to slam on the breaks just before it drove off the cliffe. However, he was too close to the edge to risk trying to turn the truck around. While he was comtemplating a way out of this close situation, a bolt of lightning stuck dangerously close to the cab of the truck. Instantly, bags of garbage caught on fire, and the air quickly filled with thick, black smoke. Just as the man was about to get out of the truck, another bolt of lightning struck the passenger door, and the man flew out the driver door. Unfortunately,
he landed on the door which got blown off in the blast!
Off the cliffe he went. His voice could be heard shouting as he fell. However, his fear soon turned to complete aw when he discovered the cliffe seemed to have no bottom. He kept falling and falling. When he finally willed himself to look down, he saw nothing. there seemed to be no ground no matter how far he fell. When he looked down a few minutes later, he found himself staring down at a blue sky. He still could not see the ground, but he could see the sun, the sky, and the clouds.
he'd fallen off the world!
So, was he in space? Would he ever see another human being? All these questions came to mind as he kept falling. After a few hours of freefalling, he finally began to feel the sun, and hear voices. However, when he finally got a glimpse of what he had been hearing, he was taken aback once again. For one thing, the sun was shaped more like a bell than its usual ball, and the people, if you could call them people, had rounded bodies, triangular heads, and walked on ten legs that were at least five times as long as their bodies.
hmmm, he wondered, as a thing that looked like a tomato randomly hopped on his head and said hello to him.
hello creature, he said. refering to the random shaped thing that spoke to him, in a strangely human irish voice. who are you?
"I am the manager of Sun World." he said.
"Sun world?" inquired the man.
"yes. Sun World. It is a world where everything is associated with happiness. It is against our beliefs to feel any kind of negative emotion," the tomato-shaped creature explained.
"That's impossible," said the man. "Everyone feels some form of negativity once in awhile."
"Not here. Come with me, and I will show you what it is really like to live, breathe and eat happiness."
Towmay the talking tomato and Berf the pensil thin long red bearded purple moustached sheep grabbing garbage collecting truck driver forced their way into a smelly barn overcrowded with very fat yaks neying, braying, or whatever the sound is they were making, they did it cacophonously as they belched. Berf was so overcome with joy from all this splender that his head began rotating clockwise and his mouth opened involintarily to shout at the top of his lungs the Stevie Wonder tune.
"golden lady, go-o-o-olden lady I'd like to go theh-ehh-ehh-air. Golden lay..."
Well he just kept on singing it and his smile grew bigger and bigger but since he couldn't really smile and sing gold with ever repetition of that word his jaw became more unhinged untill the bottom part broke right off and swung back and forth as his head turned around and around with the aweful neying braying sound.
he was evidently quite happy with his current location, as what was still left of his face was still smiling.
just now here with the story..
..sounds somewhat like songs that in the night come onto a person when memory fades of what long ago was
and all that may be left is broken and in not even quit halves, maybe even more so quartered and yet..
yet still glow of memories longering upon the face in shadows deep
memories hidden
coming unto new meanings hidden and
first glow of a morning yet to be
with warmth of day yet to dawn
and with that reasuring thought, He put on his dress and sat down for a spot or pot of earl grey tea and fried shoelaces. "Are you enjoying yourself so far, sir Berf?"
Asked a lace attempting to uncurl itself.
"I'm having a splended time!" he tried to reply but all that was heard was "i haa'ing ah sended ty!"
The shoelace launched itself into Berf's half a mouth and squealed,
weee'ee'ee'ee'ee'ee!
H'mm he said again
not quite knowing what to do
for the grey earl tea
that before had always seemed
to be
well, now for another taste he was oh so desirious..
he longed for some fruit
and taste too of almonds..
and what was he to do
I mean like for here he was with
a mouth seemingly shoelace filled or
maybe
just maybe
t'was not showlaces at all
more so like shoestrings
nah! not that at all..
strings
strings
noodled strings
with saucey so much liken to
ah! Fruite
Tomatoes the fruit!!!
Ah! and Hot
So he gobbled up his spaghetti which was drenched in the sauce of his talking friend's body and prepared for a trip to a kingdom far far away.
do tell more please
when he got there, he noticed that the entire place was built out of fur and feathers.
The dwellers resembled insects. Very large with multiple limbs and anteni. An ant like creature ran straight into and knocked the wind out of him while shouting,
"Make way for king Perperlerpercherperlerper!"
king who?
you say king Perperlerpercherperlerper:"
wow
like
so totally awesome
long long way
l o n g word
it's been a l o n g
way to the light
of the glistening shlim!
so shlimming bright and the warmth it radiates
Then a terrible shaking of the shimmering firry feathery kingdom put everyone on their butts. That was when Berf found out he was being carried along on the back of a jiant turkey/lion hybrid.
"gobble roar!" it exclaimed and continued its lionine turkey trot.
oh no
oh
no no No NO NO'O'O'!!!
This can not be happening
Shriek Howls HOWLS ROARS
Thunder crashes
Bolts of lighting glare so musch so..
hay this is kinda a neat place to write
{Thots thinking
..please continue with the story}
then out of nowhere, came a very clear, random friendly miao!
miao so friendly
and yet not quite too friendly
extremely considered unfriendly
miao
due to the peculiar situation in which it occured
The lionbird whirled around and around to see where this friendly meowing was coming from only to discover that it was coming from her! Yes her being the strange hybrid thing with feathers and firr and her name is Natoom Boondra! A marching band of onions charged out of the woods shreaking,
"Natoom Boondra? Natoom Boondra! Natoom Boondra? Natoom boondra!"
One of them marched into her and pushed her like a piece of furniture as she stood on one leg and suddenly began to cry uncontrolably.
say what??
Yes she began to cry for want of some of the most delicious, most tantalizing of of all things proper
ChEEEEEse, of course,
yes, the dreaded chEEEse!!
So the onion whom was marching her along flung her across the saharah into an ocean of cream cheese. A milkmaid, one of the many whom had chaced off all the murmaids emerged from the creamy depths and coughed horrendously before saying,
yucky, i'm all covered in sticky smelly cheesey!
oh no oH nO
OH NO!!!
a creature so utterly beyond anything that mortals could phantom
for oh no
A 20 foot smiling of a rodent variety!!!!!!!!!!!!!
or perhaps this was all in a world of a dream far far away.. ??
When suddenly from out of seemingly no-where came
came.. came .. came something so s c a r ry
it was so scary it scared itself!
..and then all of what seemed to be..
..seemed to be
seemed to be... S C A RR Y
..seemed to be ever er ever lasting
there came..
Shhh be quiet..
there came........
from out seemingly
no where...
from no'o'o'o' where {scaRR Y}}
came..
a tiny little creature with a feather on it's head.
It twitched its nose and said,
"I'm hungry."
Then opened its porpoise mouth and began drinking? or eating the river of cheese.
which made it sneeze and fall to it's knees,
or, things that were where it's knees should be, they looked more like trees than knees.
When he belched with satisfaction, he crawled on his hands and tree knees to a masquerade ball where he moonwalked with Michael Jackson.
"I'm honored, Mister Jackson!"
Squealed the creature with delight.
"Will you sign my feather?" He asked brandishing it like a sword.
"he, he!"
He sang in his famous falsetto then strangely replyed,
i have to chace the almighty pigeon first, but certainly.
i may yet consider attending another masquerade ball..
Ah! The memories of recollection,
to think
just to think,
to have moonwalked with-the
legendary Michael Jackson
and as mister jackson glided away from the daydreaming feathered creature in pursuit of the golden bird, a wumpus took his place and began passionately declaring war in wumpish upon this teeny tiny feather headed thing!
when all of a SUDDEN!!!
the teeny yiny feather began to sprout!!
Sprout i tell ya
Sprout like nevr before had
mere mortals ever been give to give witness it
The Grandest most lovely of feather plummage
Lavish and oh, beyond utterance compare
So soft, so lovely
so...
wonderously beautiful
...and in far the distance
if one would be given to listen
listen closely and attentively
why would you not know
what could be heard??
Why gentle little rain drops, the like that give sweet moisture radiance to earth below..
So wonderful the sound,
the sound that for so long a time had been lacking to the
the listening ear.
Rain, gentle sweet moisture ladden dropplet of rain
..and not the bitter cold hard dropplets that are more so hail of a
hard cold winter's night
no, this was more of SpringTimes's warm refreshment
The raindrops, whom were children of the watery sky fell to earth into a jumbled puddlish heap all through the town.
and everywhere ended up smelling of oranges.
yes, of oranges I have heard for there in the middle of the field was a full growing tree growing oranges and the rain moisture gave for the tree to have the oranges fresh rain watered... Ah! the scent of oranges {and orange Blossoms more to be said for SpringTime was in the aire, a new growing season upon the land}
how absolutely refreshing
and that was when the humungous stinking tuna fish slammed down onto the earth from out of the not so clear blue sky, waling with, of all things, laughter!
"and what," started a droplet whom had just managed to pull itself from underneath the fallen sea dweller,
"are you sniggering at?"
milk! it said, exploding milk!
"Yay!" said the droplet running around in a circle rappidly disappearing back upto the sky.
"I want some! Where is it? Tell me, right now!"
It shouted before completely evaporating.
As the Tuna had himself expired from suffication, it couldn't respond anyway, so made itself quite at home on the dinnerplate of the Queen herself, Queen Chippie!
till all of a sudden
a quakening noise was heard.
Not a quacking, ducky sound, rather an earth shaking noise
like as onto a bolt of lightening that in dead of night enters ,
what an awesome quakening noise was heard!!!
It shook and it rumbled, till everybody tumbled, onto the ground. What an aweful quakening sound! The king and his queen, and all in between, were thrown on their faces atop broken vases.
wondering, what ever were they were to do next... ??
{music playing Suspensful }}
then an enormous robot cat boynged and bounced out of the heavens, purring happily.
oh so happily purring..
Then Birds, they began to flutter
with wings of radiant as it were with
rainbow colors sweeping far across the heavenlies...
Say pretty kitty? said a bird wildly flapping his wings to keep up with the boinging bouncing feline, "Did you know there was a blob on one of your whiskers?"
A .. a ..a ., did you say blob on my whiskers
gave reply of the boinging bouncing feline
to the most gorgous bird that was flapping his wings so lavish
what with the golden tips on feathery wings of silver...
"Yes!" It shouted out of breath, "a blob! May I..."
It broke off as the furious action of his left wing quickly brushed it away.
and oh so good to know that that blob, that blob of some unknown substance was no longer the same,
for somehow into minute particles and then
into evaportation as mist came to dance upon the surrounding area.
the mist was cooling and yet with a smokeyness, not breath takenly a kind of smoke, rather more so to be as in a fog, a fog as it were of protection,
That while within this fog as it were with a coolness lingering
There too was a moving forward
and in this going on, this moving forward & so too a warmth was entering,
the fog began to break assunder as rays of warmth gave blissful penatration
The chill began to fade
and when upon as though awakening
why could it be?
Could it be?
For the surroundings so differing than before
when before enterance into this new world as it were
and yet same the world only yet further along...
a lion suddenly jumped up into the air and flew away!
aHHHHHHHHHHHH and such a lion it 'twas,
why in it's flying away
it's wings began to unfold
Yes wings
wings of flight
When what should be given to appear except for a..
small orange seed
Which flew out of the mouth of a croking three year-old. As it sat there on its druling grandpa's knee, listening to him drone on and on about how hard life was working on a farm in the 1900s, it sighed and wished with all its thundering little heart that it could've gone away with the flying lion.
when all of a sudden the Lion that had taken flight
was given to fly again and again about the aire where the child sat
when all of a sudden the Great Lion took as it were a nose dive and right down
down
down to where the child was
and
sure enough the Good Ol'e Lion just stopped short of crash landing
and rather was given to smooth sail on by the child at a slow
enoough of a speed that...
..that as the child reached into the aire so too
the child was given to grab hold of the mane of the Lion and
There they goooooooooooo
flying high above the clouds..
It cheared with joy as the crisp clean air cooled its skin. The sight of the soft marshmallow like clouds and brilliant sun dazzeled it so, that it noticed not that the granpa which it was sitting on was still beneath its babyish rump ever druling and continuing his continuam of storytelling as if not a thing happened. Realizing him now, the child began to cry croakally, and wished for once to be rid of the wretched old man.
Then it was that mighty gusts of wind blew up
Giving the child to feel as though so great turbulence
had engulfed round about with not a way of escape.
The child was lifting up higher in space
higher
and higher
while all the while on the back of the Lion.
The Lion's mane was fluttering in the gale and dark clouds began to
overtake the soft marshmallow like clouds
while the brilliant sun was left shadowed
liken as to a night coming on
..only a night without the twinkling of stars..
Higher they flew while the winds were given to form
funnel towers of great clouds
When all of a sudden the child fell
and
tumbled
down down
down
back to from whence the child had come and this
fierce wind blown tunnel grabbed hold rather of the granpa
What?? Shrieked the child
What has happened??
As the child sat there in total amazement
with uncontrollable shrieks coming forth from somewhere deep within
while feeling so great of a shock that the child began to
sob in between the shrieks..
all the while the granpa was being lifted higher and higher into the clouds
and with each sweeping upwards it was as if the layers of built up
heartache and pain over the years was being lifted and carried away
and then in twinkling of minute seconds being as though these hurts had never happened...
Thus it was the granpa was changing
He was becoming someone like never before
he was in some process of change
He was becoming no longer that wretched old man
for that creature was being transformed
Then it was the Lion began to laugh
Yes and to laugh so heartily
The child peered into the vastness of the skye
knowing deep within something was happening
Something so beyond his being capable of knowing
and yet somehow just knowing..
that its grandpa, its dear old boaring grandpa was gone forever. As the lion roared with laughter, the child wished it hadn't made such a selfish wish. It wished it had learned to appreciate him. It wished...wam! Something or someone crashed to the earth beside it. temperarally startled, it whipped its head around to see and oh my,
it stood up, dusted itself down and then farted loudly!
It looked down and saw itself wriggling then shaking dirt from itself. The child asked this other who looked just like itself what its name was.
"waa aaaa maaaa ooo goo gaa!"
and it descovered that also like itself, this child could not yet talk. In stead it smiled, clasped hands with it and gleafully skipped and trotted to its house to give the other child some milk from his bottle.
So excited they were that they walked right into the mouth of a big drab wolf.
the wolph was yawning, for she had been for a very long run after a creature that suddenly turned invisible.
The kids screamed "yak!" cause you don't have to talk to scream "yak", and jumped out of the wolf's mouth into ...
a giant serving spoon, which suddenly took off in to the air and flew away!
And where was it flying? Why, back to the dish of course, where it's famously known as none other than the big dipper.
So the kids settled down in the dipper (big or not) and took a leisurely nap, where they dreamed about...
Pie! And since they were soring through the sky their subconciousnesses made a connection with pie and sky. and ripping off their clothes, dyapers and all, they took a running leap into,
Swimming pool. The kids all laughed as they spashed water at each other. Then out comes the Boogie Monster and the kids....
grabbed it by its bulbous nose and yard long beard and square danced with it on the water, which turned into wine colored glass. After a particularly vigorus twirl, the boogie monster fell flat on his face, and licking the glass, discovered it also tasted like wine. He licked and then chomped. Soon the children joined the fun, and when they were all done,
They stumbled around like drunken sailors. Suddenly, they were in wonderland seated at the table with the mad hatter and march hare having tea.
They then heard a noise, the Boogieman's wife appeared out of nowhere. "Roarrrr!!!!!!" the Booggiewoman shouted "Get lost"
The march hare and mad hatter screamed and jumped into a half inch hat while the kids calmly continued to butter their scones and sip their hot beverages.
"Would you like to join us, Mrs. booggie lady?"
Then all of a Sudden, there's a black fog coming from outside, everything goes blank, then a Butterfly appears.
the black fog gets to be more dense with shrieks of bolts of lightening and the butterfly is giving warning of the great storm that is about to happen...
A Cycone starts to erupt and blows everything into pieces. The Tornado then comes, Run! cries the Mummy.
Who just happened to be the mummy of the children, which had mysteriously vanished into the fog. So who then, was she saying "Run" to? Why, none other than,
to a safe sheltered place. To Run, to run to safty but where oh where was that place to be found for the Storm was larger than anything, coming ripping and roaring liken to a lion who hasn't eaten in days....
They run to an unknown island where they played Poker and Black Jack.
They bet modestly, losing a little and winning a little as they exchanged pleasantries. A beautiful and smiling native girl of about 20 arrived and offered the players cool drinks. Each of them accepted it in flat bottommed seashell shaped containers. The boogie man, who had been agreeable all evening suddenly became angry after losing everything.
You cheated!" He shouted angrily at his wife. She chuckled.
"I'm just a better player than you. Pay up. I've been wanting a pare of new shoes."
then as if out of nowhere, a nice friendly pair of shoes was seen to come bouncing along out of nowhere!
"Yaaaaaay!" shouted the boogie lady, and jumping up like an excited horse, knocked over the table in chace of the beautiful, bouncing shoes, which were just her size.
...well all goodness if the boogie lady wasn't given to be
exhuberant and so totally excited...
Think this calls for another round of beverages
Those flat bottommed seashell shaped containers sound awesome
and given this scorching hot weather how about pouring in some of the
slushie ice shaved mix...
So the fallen table jumped up and the cards ran and layed themselves back in place while a very handsome muscular native youth of 27 refreshed the drinks of the players. All this occured while in the distance the boogie husband and wife could be heard shouting farther and farther away. A hairy orange creature emerged from behind a group of tall trees and shouted,
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Awaken Awaken Awaken
for New Dawning has entered into the land
Awaken
When all of a sudden...
The Flood comes and washes everything away.
The World is now offically enending and there's nothing left on this Planet.
it all ended up on mars!
It ended up on mars so hard that several hundred million red marshans were flung into a neighboring galaxy. What was left of them, gathered about the defunct planet earth and roled it off. A leader of sorts, made his way to the center. dressed in a royal and expensive robe so sheer it was invisible, his presence demanded the crowd to part. When he had reached his destination, he spoke, saying,
"Which lifeform threw that planet over here? I demand to know at once!"
and when no one answered him, one of the inhabitants was promptly stuffed into a pie, baked and eaten.
"Now," the leader continued wiping his lips on a cloth napkin,
"Will anyone else be consumed or shall I know who threw that planet over here!"
And all the while as this contemplation was taking place
as far as who it was that was given to throw the planet
over to where it was thrown
A throbbing sensation was given to be felt
So powerful a force
It was as though THUNDER from some lost planet
was throbbing into an existence of its own
What could this possibly be?
What could this be?
The throbbing sensation was felt as though
passing through some Great Night
A Great Night so POWERFUL
with a thot of, "Could this be some NEW Planet emerging?